Forget Waldo... Where in the World Has Dick Cheney Been?

I’ll admit it...
I’ve never been good at the whole linear, one-way, march of death, time thing...

Sometimes it goes forward...
...And sometimes it starts off going forward... but then, before you know it, it’s leaped backwards and you get to work 15 minutes early...
...Even though you were running at least 25 minutes late (Who says prayer doesn’t work?).

I don’t know about your experience of personal reality...
But, to me... in mine, it seems like everything’s been quiet for months... A good 6-10 months...
(if you don’t count the back-and-forth political camPai(g)n poking or the (as GWB put it:) "challenging" (snicker) economic tumult.)

Now...
...Suddenly...
...Out of No Where...
...They begin to arrive...
...Multiple reports of a Sighting... of... HIM!

You listen - somewhat in shock - to the horrible chorus repeated by all the news anchors...
Their words pepper you...their meaning stings...

...It’s like... Well... a shotgun blast to the face...

Heeeeeeee’s Baaaaack!

In spite of the fact that he’s (allegedly) thousands of miles away... the mere mention of his human name makes your stomach queasy... Your heart starts pounding in your chest and thumping in your ears...

... "No!", you silently scream, in anguish. It can’t be! Not... Him!

It had been so long... No one had seen him... Not one news show or front page headline had mentioned his name...for so long that...

... You thought... Well... Hoped against Hope... No... Wished, yeah, Wished (that’s it!) that he was ... well... Gone!

Didn’t We All? (OK, except maybe for the wife...)

Who am I talking about?

Well, the One and Only Terrible Troll himself... The Ho of Halliburton...

Mr. Dick (and I do mean "Dick") Cheney, of course!

Is it me? Or has this carbon-based carbuncle been M.I.A for the last six to ten months?

In my little Reality, Dick had pretty much stopped existing (... OK, stop snickering, you know what I meant.)

It’s kinda been like it was right after the Sept.11th attacks... You know... The media was reporting every detail of GWB’s whereabouts at all times... But you couldn’t get a bead on Cheney to save your life.

Maybe he’s been holed up in another bunker?

Hey, Dick... Did the ol’ Ticker stop ticking?

You know what... Maybe Dick did die... and Halliburton (or a subsidiary) has spent the better part of the last year cloning him...

Until the other day when...

..."Abracadabra!"... or "Rumplestiltskin!"... or even... "He’s Alive!"...

...And now...

In a sorrowful surprise to us all...

Dick has risen up from the grave and found himself in...

...Iraq... (Hmm... maybe he never left?)...

... He’s slapping backs and saying things to the effect of: "Look at all this Progress we’ve made!" and "Everything’s coming up bases... Uh, I mean roses!"

***A Personal Aside Here: L’Chaim!... Now, What about the Hurricane-and-Flood decimated Gulf Coast, Mr. Vice President... Why don’t you make some Formaldehyde-free Progress THERE?***
(Thanks, I just couldn’t help myself.)

"Success", you say? "It was worth it.", you say?

Of course you would sneer that...

"The goal for the invasion was permanent occupation of Iraq as America’s "police station" in the middle east. By that standard the 14 permanent bases are doing just fine, thanks. (Reference: Project for the New American Century)" (Fromsalon.com)

Hey, Dick! Why don’t you crawl/slither/drip back into that hole you’ve been hiding/being reconstituted in... and don’t come back until... well, at least Halloween or January 2nd.

Peace.
L.